When The Mana Theory first came about, I had no idea that was autistic or that I had ADHD. All I knew is that I struggled with some form of anxiety and depression that affected my daily life and my ability to handle life and do chores.
Sometimes I could readily articulate exactly what the issue was and why I was operating below what had become expected: my Grandfather passed away, my job was particularly draining this week, this specific event was stressing me out, etc. Things were falling through the cracks because these other big things were capitalizing my time and energy.
Other times, though, I’d hardly be able to get out of bed or do anything beyond the bare minimum of existing and have no ability to explain why. The inability to answer why became a source of frustration for my husband and I: why was doing that thing last week absolutely no issue at all, but this week it was insurmountable? And because I couldn’t answer why, he would get frustrated and I would shut down further.
Trying to explain why when I had no idea
In an attempt to explain why without needing specify the exact reason why (and this distinction is so important, by the way: you can provide an explanation without needing to provide the specific source or reason), I said it was like trying to cast spells when my mana bar was empty. Since we both played a very popular mmorpg, mana and spell casting was vernacular we both already understood and so this explanation immediately made sense to him.
From that one explanation, the Mana Theory was born. We finally had a common language and terms to use to communicate our needs and boundaries without needing to specify any specifics.
Since my diagnosis of Autism and ADHD, the wildly varying capacity of my mana bar and costs of tasks make a whole lot more sense and the Mana Theory can explain them in ways that I would probably struggle to if I tried to articulate them in any other way. I’m hoping to capture these in new comics someday.
Okay, but isn’t the Spoon Theory a thing?
Yes, of course! The Spoon Theory has been instrumental in communicating chronic illnesses to people who have no concept of what it means. The Spoon Theory was born from a similar need: how do you explain something so intrinsic to you to someone who has no experience to pull from to understand?
In fact, the Spoon Theory was the catalyst for me coming up with the Mana Theory. I had used the Spoon Theory as a way to explain why some days I could spend excess spoons on doing the dishes, but other days I didn’t have enough spoons. He understood it in theory, but the spoons to life application was too abstract to comprehend in a way that made sense. The transaction of completing tasks for spoons made sense, but not why I had 10 spoons one day and 5 the next and 20 the next or why dishes cost 1 spoon one day and 10 spoons on another. The Mana Theory offered explanations for those varying costs: debuffs. It also helped that we are both gamers and so this analogy just “clicked” for us.
The Spoon Theory didn’t work for us, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. If it works for you, by all means, use it! Please! The more ways we can talk about the toll of invisible illnesses and help people understand them, the better. The world is big enough for more than one theory.